Passion, Connection & Love
If selection is the an essential pillar for relationships, we have to make sure to do it well. To be able to do so, we must have a clear idea of what is exactly what we’re looking for or otherwise, as soon as we get attracted to someone, we’ll just want to go for it without knowing if we share our values and goals. And if they are not aligned or complimentary, it’ll become a huge problem in the future.
No matter if we’re in a relationship or not, doing this exercises will make us get a clear idea of what we want, compare it with what we have and act accordingly.
Your ideal mate
STEP 1: We must describe specifically our ideal partner
How are they physically, emotionally, spiritually, what are their goals and values, what are the traits that we want, etc.
👉 Take action now!
1. Write down everything you want as if you were a kid and had the certainty that you’ll get everything that you ask for (and remember to enjoy the process).
Note: If you’re struggling to come up with your ideal mate, start with Step 2 and then come back to Step 1.
2. Now go through the list and highlight the traits that are a must. It’s difficult to find someone who meets exactly everything we’re looking for, but differentiating between what’s essential for us and what we’d like is the key to know what kind of person we want to attract.
STEP 2: We must know what are the things we can’t stand
What do we hate about other people, what would be a dealbreaker, what can’t we tolerate, etc.
👉 Take action now!
1. Write down all of those negative things.
2. Once you’ve done it, go through the list and, again, highlight the musts and leave the wishes.
STEP 3: What kind of person would we have to be to attract someone who meets our criteria?
We need to become the kind person we’d like to attract. If we want to be with a very energetic person and we’re lazy and sluggish that person will never want to spend time with us, because we’re going to drain their energy.
👉 Take action now!
Write down the answer to that question.
STEP 4: See where we’re at
We must see where we are to know how big is the gap between that and where we want to be so we can take proper action.
👉 Take action now!
1. Rate your partner (if you have one) from 0 to 10 on how well all your musts from step 1 and 2 are being met.
2. Rate yourself from 0 to 10 on how close you are to being the person that will attract the kind of parter you’re looking for.
Next steps
The next step in every case is to be honest with ourselves and with our partner (if we have one). Sharing what we think and asking for the other point of view is the only way to take a relationship forward; since a relationship is shared, we can’t completely change it on our own.
If we are in a relationship there are two possible scenarios:
- We’ve make a good selection independently of how big or small is the gap between where we are and where we want to be. In this case we must do 2 things:
- For every must that is met we must celebrate! Let’s magnify the joy
- Wherever there’s room for improvement let’s push it to the next level
- We realise that our natures are not aligned and that the relationship is full of conflicts and painful (although we can still truly love each other):
- In this case, we must have an honest talk with our partner and make the decision that will be best for both in the long run
- Whenever a relationship is about to end, all the fears come in and usually one person doesn’t agree. Nevertheless it’s important to remember that if one person is not fulfilled in a relationship, the other one, no matter how happy they seem, can’t be fulfilled either.
If we are not in a relationship, we need to create our Massive Action Plan.
This means:
- Practicing the qualities that will attract the kind of person we’re looking for
- Get proximity. If we’re looking for a very spiritual person they’ll probably not be in a club partying. We have to go to the places where that kind of people would be.
Last notes on relationships
The four R’s of ruined relationships (by Dr. John Gray)
- Resistance: about something the other person does, feels or says. Resistance is normal, not everything the other person says, does or feels has to be to our liking. But we must communicate it in a good way and either change the behaviour, accept that it won’t change or change the relationship, because if we pile it up, it’ll lead to the second R.
- Resentment: a more active level of resistant, it has anger and tension linked. Easy to identify when we start to keep a score in our head: “I do this and that and he/she doesn’t done anything in exchange”. Again we must talk about it, understand it and forgive or leave the relationship, if not, it’ll lead to the third R.
- Rejection: when we can’t tolerate more resentment, we switch off emotionally and sexually. Avoiding the other, disagreeing about everything, fantasising or having affairs and changing our focus to other areas in our lives are signs of this stage. Here’s where most of long-term relationships end. If this is not resolved with the partner, it either breaks the relationship or leads to the fourth R.
- Repression: when we’re tired of all the rejection we repress all our negative emotions to be able to keep the peace in the relationship. Nevertheless, this is the most dangerous state because it’s a state of emotional numbness and it spills over into all the other areas of your life.
The keys to solving all those situations are honesty and a good communication.
If we run away from a relationship because we can’t face the truth, we’re going to face the same problem on the next one because we’re taking ourselves with us.
To maintain healthy relationships we must find time for ourselves:
- At least schedule an special event every week or 10 days
- Every 4 to 6 months we must plan some days off the routine and just for ourselves as a couple.
- Like in friendships, we have to make sure that every now an then we create experiences together and not just meet to share our experiences at work or with others.
Relationships are a huge subject because they’re the juice of life. They magnify the human experience and are the most important area of our life. No matter how much money we make or how healthy we are, without a deep personal relationship, it’s worthless.
👉 Assignment
STEP 1: Improve your relationship with yourself.
For the next 7 days, in your Hour of Power, use two minutes to improve the relationship with yourself and the creator/God/universe or whatever you believe in. If you have a great relationship with yourself and with life, you can have a great relationship with another person.
STEP 2: If you’re in a relationship:
Create a Massive Action Plan for closing the gaps in your relationship and for celebrating what’s great about it or for getting honest with your partner and making the best decisions for the relationship.
STEP 3: If you’re single:
Make a “marketing plan” of at least 30 days for attracting your ideal partner. Where do you need to go, who do you need to speak with, what qualities do have to put in practice, etc.
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